I can be a food critic. More than that, I need to be a food critic. Shannon (Wife) and I were watching Top Chef last night and even though I have seen the show countless times, I got a little jealous of the judges. Maybe it was because there wasn’t much to complain about last night, as only 3 of the 20 dishes served were considered sub par. So for a good portion of the show, all we saw was the judges stuffing their face and rolling their eyes to the back of their head in sheer delight. Tough job for sure, but one I feel I would be a perfect fit for. I have the two main requirements for being a food critic: 1) I love food and 2) I can be a complete jerk to someone who makes me taste something that I do not like. If I haven’t won you over yet about how good of a critic I could be, let me just say that I also come with a set of stellar phrases that any judge worth his salt (food reference, I’m also topical) would use:
- “This food is too salty”
-”This food is not salty enough”
-”It is insulting that you would put this food in front of me”
-”This tastes like rotten fish threw up in my mouth”
-”I can not describe how much I hate you right now because of this food”
- “If I fed this to my kids, I would be arrested for child abuse”
-”You have lost the right to ever look me in the face again”
Feel free to pass this on to any Top Chef executives in charge of casting judges of guest judges, I’ll be awaiting their call…
