No need to watch the whole thing, as the first minute is enough to make you question everything you ever believed in…
And that happened… Tuesday, Apr 15 2008
Baseball Baseball, Youtube 7: 13 am
This made me laugh, probably because it’s what I think of when watching Baseball on TV…
Why Carpetball is the best game ever…ever Thursday, Apr 10 2008
Uncategorized 3: 51 pm
Last summer I got really excited about the game of carpetball, one of the best games on the planet. I started talking it up with a few friends and thought that once we began playing carpetball, we would be laughing and playing and shoving each other for weeks and months on end. Well, that never happened. And I feel bad about it, why? Because carpetball is the best game ever.
What is carpetball? Well, once again, Ill tell you it’s the best game ever, but its a game played on a wooden trough that is outlined in carpet. The basic idea is to line up balls on your side of the trough and to be the first to knock all of the other opponents balls out of the trough. “Ok”, you are saying, “this is the best game ever. Tell me more!” OK, that’s not a problem, but I thought I might need to convince you more, so give me a sec to get my bearings…
What’s that? You have never heard of carpetball before just now? Of course you havent! The simple fact of the matter is that the game is too awesome to be widely known. See, the people who already know about it are too busy playing it to be bothered to tell anyone else about it. They will go to extreme measures to play this game. Don’t believe me? Look at these people’s faces…
These people are literally freaking out around a carpetball table and I’m pretty sure no one has even started playing yet. The guy in the back is lifting his heads towards the heavens in utter excitement that there is a God great enough to bestow upon humanity the greatest game ever known. At least, I’m pretty sure thats what is going on. Even if I’m incorrect, you can not deny this other picture…
I dont know where this is, but wherever it is, it should be called “Party City”, because there is no other explanation to describe the immense insanity that is taking place around that carpetball table. I’m not sure, but it looks like their are two tables put together side by side! Can you imagine how many babies were conceived right where all those people are standing? Insane…
I know I have already convinced most of you of how awesome this game is…but I know a guy who is colorblind, so I’m pretty sure those pictures (as awesome as they are) are nothing but faceless blobs to him, so I think I need to explain some more. People LOVE this game. People will do anything for this game. Carpetball.net, the leading website for all things carpetball, explains that there is usually such a frenzy from people who want to play carpetball that drastic measures are taken to decide who gets to play first. It’s first recommendation is to have everyone run a mile and the first one done gets to play carpetball first. RUN A MILE! How insane is that! A normal game lasts around 5 minutes. A normal mile, for me, lasts around 9 minutes…talk about dedication. People are willing to run a mile just to be first to play a five minute game. Another suggestion is too have a kid VOLUNTEER to wash a bathroom so that they can play carpetball first…what? Wash a bathroom for a game? No, but for the best game ever…I guess so…
One arm and the truth-making process… Tuesday, Apr 1 2008
Uncategorized 3: 30 pm
So I wanted to write about watching the news last night and seeing a guy I had seen several times before talking in one of those roundtables all the news shows do. Having seen him several times, I was in complete shock to discover that this time I saw him, he only had one arm…let me just go one record and say I was creeped out. Now don’t go jumping to conclusions, I wasn’t creeped out because he had one arm, more of that fact that he had gotten away with being on tv this whole time without me knowing it! I mean, seriously, I have no ill will towards people who are missing limbs, in fact, I’m sure there are plenty of pictures of me on the internet with one-limbed people. I’m sure in those pictures I’m meeting with, shaking hands (or hand), or pushing one-limbed people. Most people say I am a humanitarian. I agree wholeheartedly with those people.
Anyways, I’m not upset that this man only has one arm, I’m upset that he never let me know about it. I kind of feel like I have been lied to. I mean, I expect some journalistic integrity in my news. The least he could have done was wave his arm every once in a while and shout at the camera “This is the only arm I have” so that everyone would know he wasn’t a liar. I can respect something like that. I can even respect more subtle ways, like throwing it in his talking points during the roundtable. “Well James, as you know, I only have one arm, but that doesn’t change my views on Hillary…” Respectable. But he didn’t do that, and thats sad. So in short, I wanted to write about this guy, but I’m not going to because I couldn’t find a picture of the guy, so I’m not sure if i dreamed it up or not, since I have no proof, and proof is the cornerstone of the truth-making process (See how I brought that all together?)…
Bonus question -Can anyone guess what button I found today while writing this post? (I’ll give you a hint, its the Italics button…that may have been too much of a hint)
Show your true self… Tuesday, Apr 1 2008
Uncategorized Beards, Guitars, Hair, True Love 1: 17 pm
I’ve gotten a ton of requests for this, so here it is…
My wife wants to start a band….
Comments? Questions?
